doubts...

as i happily clicked on the "inbox" link on my email account, the brightness i around me suddenly turned into a dark shade of grey.....

-

"Thank you for notifying us of your intention to decline our offer of admission. We appreciate your interest, and we hope that you will consider re-applying to The Ohio State University in the future.
We shall retain your file for approximately one year. If you wish to be considered for admission in the future, please notify the Admissions Office.

Good luck in your future academic endeavors. "

-

months ago, i had this dilemma, where i was tied between choosing two equally promising schools....

though each has their own pros and cons, and i really wish that i can just say 'yes' to both schools....

but in the end, a decision had to be made; accept one, reject the other....

it was a tough, tough decision.....

and so, i gathered all my strength, spiritually and mentally (a little too dramatic over here....), i made up my mind, and started my first step into the my unknown future....

everything went well after that, with my preparation and determination to excel in the decision i have made...

that is, until today.....

after scanning the contents in that email, i suddenly had the rush of uncertainness that i once felt before....

accompanying the doubt-ness are these silly questions that i can't stop asking myself...

• have i made the right decision?
  
• is the uni i'm going is the one that suits me best?
  
• is this really what i want?
• am i willing to give out the cons of this for the pros of the other?
  
• what if i miss out the great opportunities by letting this offer down?

but apart of the nonsenses that are blinding me, my conscience pull me back to reality, by asking me this.....

"what if there's no turning back and you just have to go on with what lies ahead?"

i was a useless, no self esteem and lack self confidence freako.....

i am still pretty much of those now, the differences are, i'm changing, i'm learning, i'm growing (mentally, physically i dun think i can grow any more... hahahaha)....

but most importantly, i'm moving on.... =)



i complained and lamented all these stuffs that i had gone though, (and much more shits to endure later on...)....

the not knowing what to do, not sure of this and that, chasing datelines... just to name a few.....

i hate those very very much....

but i understand, those are just a part of my learning process in my life....

a lesson learnt today, a better me tomorrow....

and just when i thought that i am weak and useless when i'm facing these obstacles; i'm actually proud of myself, especially when i see others crying over an itsy bitsy stuff.....

try to get on my shoes, suckerS!!! *mischievous smile*

though i'm not as tough as i want myself to be....

i'm not as weak as i thought i would have been as well....